Single and staying with your parent
- Thread starter ghost77
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jsbn said:
Well, maybe it's time for you give a helping hand for your parent. You are lucky that someone over there is doing all these things for you. Put you hand in it and do it for maybe 3 years and share your experience with us.
Haze said:no lah i not mean that
Got a wife, can help you take care of your parent when she not around
then can share your happy and sorrow ma
a Soul partner.. not bad wow
No problem at all. It is just only a suggestion from you of me getting a wife. I believed there is always a way out even this doesn't work.
Haze said:hmmm i think u feel much better after we keep bomb ba here..
Thanks. I just cried out loud just now in my small little office with nobody around of cos. Luckily, I have a small space in my work place. I feel better now. :embrass:
I still carry on taking care of my parent no matter what I love them very much and I wish they can be happy all the time on the rest of their life. I will still bring them for a walk at the park in the morning if ther wish to stretch their muscle a bit.
:embrass:
It is very easy to make comments and suggestions here but there will not be an perfect answer for ghost77. On the one camp the ppl are asking ghost to tolerate and remember about how his parents have brought him up, and on the other camp the ppl ask him to be realistic and tough with his parents for their own good. To be in the middle, it's not that easy either (that's what ghost is doing rite now).
Let say, A was in a deep deep trouble and B came along and save A from bankruptcy (example). Then after few years A became successful and B was in trouble. Then it's A turn to help B. 1 yr, 2 yr, 3 yr ..... 10yr. Then one day A woke up and start asking himself, "how long must it takes before I can completely repay B?". :dunno:
ghost is already 41 (I would say he IS a filial son :thumbsup: ). and I assume his parents are in the 60+. How long can they live? 5 yr? 10yr, 30?... As long as they are living, ghost will always be asking himself what he should do. Only upon the death (or a solution) then he will probably missed them and the problems disappeared.
It is always easy to tell ghost to teach them the right(?) things to do to have a harmonious living with him, but those who advise such, have you ever done that before, say at least 10, 20 years (like ghost)? Ghost will always feel like "vomiting blood" because the parents will NEVER learn the way to do things that he wanted ...... this is for sure.
On the other hand, if ghost starts to kick them out it will be not right to him .
So let us not give ghost more problems by "lecturing" him on the right and wrong, but instead give him support and encouragement on how best to reach a good compromise or solution.
I offer mine: ghost, first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why are you angry with them now? Because they make your life difficult? But how difficult can it be when you have been taking all these nonsense for so many years. I think the answer is probably because you think you have enough! Kool down your anger and think of the solution. Are you able to provide them all the comfort and move out? If not, are you able to juz accept the fact that they are not going to change and you juz have to do all those things you dont like and feel happy doing it? Or maybe you can get help from their friends or relatives and together everyone will encourage them to change their habits. It's not easy but ppl can change if the right approach/motivation and right persons are telling them. Don't insist or tell them to change but encourage them. Give them some objectives and it is necessary to set some rules in exchange for some rewards - eg. please smoke only when i am not around, etc and I will get xx for you, etc. Even buy her a special cigarette if you have too and tell her that though cigarette is bad but because you love her and she is your mum, etc. and if she cares for you just as much, she shouldnt be smoking when you are around.
Nobody is saying that living is easy .... but its not tough either. As long as we know that we are more fortunate than millions of ppl, i think our "problems" are actually chicken-feet! :think:
Life's short .... live it! :lovegrin:
Let say, A was in a deep deep trouble and B came along and save A from bankruptcy (example). Then after few years A became successful and B was in trouble. Then it's A turn to help B. 1 yr, 2 yr, 3 yr ..... 10yr. Then one day A woke up and start asking himself, "how long must it takes before I can completely repay B?". :dunno:
ghost is already 41 (I would say he IS a filial son :thumbsup: ). and I assume his parents are in the 60+. How long can they live? 5 yr? 10yr, 30?... As long as they are living, ghost will always be asking himself what he should do. Only upon the death (or a solution) then he will probably missed them and the problems disappeared.
It is always easy to tell ghost to teach them the right(?) things to do to have a harmonious living with him, but those who advise such, have you ever done that before, say at least 10, 20 years (like ghost)? Ghost will always feel like "vomiting blood" because the parents will NEVER learn the way to do things that he wanted ...... this is for sure.
On the other hand, if ghost starts to kick them out it will be not right to him .
So let us not give ghost more problems by "lecturing" him on the right and wrong, but instead give him support and encouragement on how best to reach a good compromise or solution.
I offer mine: ghost, first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why are you angry with them now? Because they make your life difficult? But how difficult can it be when you have been taking all these nonsense for so many years. I think the answer is probably because you think you have enough! Kool down your anger and think of the solution. Are you able to provide them all the comfort and move out? If not, are you able to juz accept the fact that they are not going to change and you juz have to do all those things you dont like and feel happy doing it? Or maybe you can get help from their friends or relatives and together everyone will encourage them to change their habits. It's not easy but ppl can change if the right approach/motivation and right persons are telling them. Don't insist or tell them to change but encourage them. Give them some objectives and it is necessary to set some rules in exchange for some rewards - eg. please smoke only when i am not around, etc and I will get xx for you, etc. Even buy her a special cigarette if you have too and tell her that though cigarette is bad but because you love her and she is your mum, etc. and if she cares for you just as much, she shouldnt be smoking when you are around.
Nobody is saying that living is easy .... but its not tough either. As long as we know that we are more fortunate than millions of ppl, i think our "problems" are actually chicken-feet! :think:
Life's short .... live it! :lovegrin:
Hope all of you like this.
http://www.savefile.com/files.php?fid=9835657
Download "For Sons & Daughters".
Inner voice from parent.
http://www.savefile.com/files.php?fid=9835657
Download "For Sons & Daughters".
Inner voice from parent.
ghost77 said:
it is only a guess,...... but when you were younger, I am quite sure you played with food, messed up the place with pee and ****, did not quite keep your toys in place....maybe pasted some stickers of "superman" under the table......do not look too far for anybody else whom has the same problem with you......I am guessing that your parents had the same problem when they were taking care of you when you were a kid.....why don't you ask them how they coped, they might have some experience to share with you
Just my personal view. Who are we to go correcting our parents and "educating" them unless they are engage in a life of crime and depravity? They are after all our seniors and what makes us so great that we can tell them what to do and what not to do? Perhaps if we look at that, things would be clearer.... Just put yourself in their shoes.. imagine one day you son tells you. "CAN YOU STOP WASTING YOUR TIME TAKING THOSE STUPID PHOTOS AND SIT AND HOME LIKE A GOOD RETIREE?"
Canonised said:
Thanks Canonised. I am still trying to talk to them and I think my parents are trying to help me one way or another. It's just that this morning I was so fustrated that I decided to send this message out and hoping maybe someone out there sharing the same probelm as mine and at least I have someone to talk to or maybe to discuss a better way out.
I can assure you all that no matter how worse the suitation is, I will NEVER NEVER leave my parents alone. I have been doing the voluntary work for the single old folk's home helping them cleaning their house for ten years. Even though this is just once a year time, and I have seen many single old folks suffered and I always remembered how many bed bugs I have cleared for them once a year. I feel that I have the needs to take care of my parent and not letting them to stay alone by themselve.:cry:
It's good that you let out the hot air and allowed fresh air to kool your thoughts. If it is a consolation to you, i think your situation is NOT unique. Many many other ppl have been in the same situation like you and some have taken it as a big problem while other view it as life's minor irritant. Different ppl solved this "problem" differently. Most of the time, these ppl will feel that they DID the right thing. :think:ghost77 said:
Whatever you do, just be honest to yourself.
But fundamentally you must set some rules (to govern). Discuss these rules and ensure that if your parents are staying with you they must be active players (just like old folks home, with little exception). Tell them that only with house rules can there be harmony and happiness in the home. Old folks are like little kids, they want and need attention. No point in telling them what and what not to do, but instead tell them they did a wonderful job but could be better if they have some improvements, etc... Kind but firm management.
this is not the correct analogy .... it should be how our parents coped with their parents. As for parents, it is normal that most of us can accept our kids' behaviour because we all know that kids are still kids.Nikonnew said:
i believe most of us understand your situation. just that most never have the same encounter as you that's why we may not able provide you with best solution to comfort you.
just to share with you this... a colleague of mine has an elderly sick dad. he has to bath for him etc., & do all house works. he is those type of man with extreme cool temper. he often worry for his dad health and he too feel tire doing all those for years (simple word from him 'he has no other choice'). he didn't hire a partime maid because his income is just enough for his basic needs. he has been spending much money on his dad's medical bills.
i believe, love will make us more patient/tolerate/endure etc. under one roof.
wish you have a wonderful CNY with your parents.
just to share with you this... a colleague of mine has an elderly sick dad. he has to bath for him etc., & do all house works. he is those type of man with extreme cool temper. he often worry for his dad health and he too feel tire doing all those for years (simple word from him 'he has no other choice'). he didn't hire a partime maid because his income is just enough for his basic needs. he has been spending much money on his dad's medical bills.
i believe, love will make us more patient/tolerate/endure etc. under one roof.
wish you have a wonderful CNY with your parents.
my dad switch on tv, change channels no less than 5 times, all in less than 5 min. than switch off, than on in next 2-3min and start the whole cycle.
sometime, if he feels like it, walk to the living room, do that thing, walk back in the bed room, do it again.
since the computer is in the same room, i sometime get mad, walk out of the room, cool down, go back in after 1/2 hr or so.
he is mentally sound though, luckly.
not sure if this is a old folks sickness, anyone got the same problem?
sometime, if he feels like it, walk to the living room, do that thing, walk back in the bed room, do it again.
since the computer is in the same room, i sometime get mad, walk out of the room, cool down, go back in after 1/2 hr or so.
he is mentally sound though, luckly.
not sure if this is a old folks sickness, anyone got the same problem?
ghost77 said:
I dont stay wif my parent now but I stay wif my guardian. N a lot of curfew such as 'must reach home before midnight' 'cannot go out too often' etc etc. Well, since it's THEIR place nothing much I can do rather than trying to comprimise.
Sion
Senior Member
I did not really read all the post.. but wish u all the best lo ghost77, i feel living with parent sure hv these kinda prom one. I am getting married and will be living with my parents also.
it good to voice out rather than keeping to yrself, guess u should talk to a friend or wat also.
good luck .. and happy cny!!
it good to voice out rather than keeping to yrself, guess u should talk to a friend or wat also.
good luck .. and happy cny!!
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