Help!!! How to handle love?

[kross]

the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak......:bsmilie:

just walkaway....

cheers...

 

[Stereobox]

I like this one very much. You think going to prostitution meh?? 1st come, 1st served.

there will always be a 'better' 'upgrade' somewhere somehow if we are not contented or at peace with our heart.

if we have made a conscious choice to be with someone for good, we have to make things work no matter what. hence, first come first served, others who come along later...too bad. live with no regrets.

but then, that's me.

 

[arpinkor]

the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak......:bsmilie:

I think you need the little blue pill.

 

[Silence Sky]

u mean your wife & your fren's wife is the same wife?

Amazing, how did you come to that conclusion?

i believe everyone is different, same goes to wives... if u dun understand her, no one else would...

A husband usually is not the one who knows best or most about his wife’s past and present state. Your buddies know who you have a fling with and your wildest fantasy, while the wives usually have very limited clues.

anyway, if u wanna have flings, no need to seek permission here, neither do you need blessing for anything u about to do.

It is not my intention here to seek permission or blessing to fling.
I think it is nice to talk about this topic since we face it all the times and having people like Zplus; Centuryegg; Begnin; Francis, Raptor and many others to share their inspirational thoughts. Form people’s experiences, maybe I can understand more about love which we have been yearning for or even willing to die for.

Love can cause the downfall of an empire.
Love can launch a thousand warships.
Love kills.

 

[Silence Sky]

I think you need the little blue pill.

Hahaha....

 

[Silence Sky]

there will always be a 'better' 'upgrade' somewhere somehow if we are not contented or at peace with our heart.

if we have made a conscious choice to be with someone for good, we have to make things work no matter what. hence, first come first served, others who come along later...too bad. live with no regrets.

but then, that's me.

Yes, on moral grounds, I agree with you.
If you happen to meet apple first, you will have to give up on Orange for being the later. But if you did not try out the Orange, then how do you know how deep your love for Apple is. If you happen to love Orange more and you stick with Apple, wouldn’t your life be full of regrets?

 

[rudigunawan]

Just my 2 cents.

You can try to decompose this situation into two parts, and hopefully this way you will find your happiness.

Before going into your newfound interest in another person, you should look at your current relationship. Try to do this independent from whether you have feelings for another person. Do you still love her? Is your feelings for her different now than when you marry her? why? can you do something about it? (is she driving you mad?) You definitely would want to resolve this first. If you do want to split, don't do it because you want to be with another person. Because some day, you may end up in the same situation with this new person.

Only after resolving the first issue, you can then move on to explore whether your feelings for the other person is "real". I do hope that the attraction is mutual. BTW, I believe it is normal to have feelings for another person even when you are already in a relationship (married, gf). It is just human to have such feelings. Once you accepted this, then you can start managing your feelings. I believe love is like a tree. If you don't take care of it, then it will die. As someone already pointed out, you can try to avoid contacts with this new interest of yours. That is, you need to choose which "tree" that you want to take care, and I do hope that you will be happy.

I'm sure in our life we will meet people that we may have strong feelings for. Today it may be this girl, but tomorrow it could be another. So in the end, you may end up alone. That is the worst case scenario.

FYI, I'm an engineer (can't you tell?), and this perhaps is an engineering approach your problem.

 

[Silence Sky]

Not sure if you can read Chinese.

人生就是为了找寻爱的过程，每个人的人生都要找到四个人。

第一个是自己,
第二个是你最爱的人，
第三个是最爱你的人，
第四个是共度一生的人.
首先会遇到你最爱的人，然後体会到爱的感觉；
因为了解被爱的感觉，所以才能发现最爱你的人；
当你经历过爱人与被爱，学会了爱，才会知道什么是你需要的，
也才会找到最适合你，能够相处一辈子的人。
但很悲哀的，在现实生活中，这三个人通常不是同一个人；
你最爱的，往往没有选择你；
最爱你的，往往不是你最爱的；
而最长久的，偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的，
只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。
你，会是别人生命中的第几个人呢？
没有人是故意要变心的，他爱你的时候是真的爱你，
可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了，
他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你；
同样的，他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你 。
当一个人不爱你要离开你，
你要问自己还爱不爱他，
如果你也不爱他了，千万别为了可怜的自尊而不肯离开；
如果你还爱他，你应该会希望他过得幸福快乐，
希望他跟真正爱的人在一起，绝不会阻止，
你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福，就表示你已经不爱他了，
而如果你不爱他，你又有什么资格指责他变心呢？
爱不是占有，
你喜欢月亮，不可能把月亮拿下来放在脸盆里，
但月亮的光芒仍可照进你的房间。
换句话说，你爱一个人，也可以用另一种方式拥有，
让爱人成为生命里的永恒回忆，
如果你真爱一个人，就要爱他原来的样子─爱他的好，也爱他的坏：
爱他的优点，也爱他的缺点，
绝不能因为爱他，就希望他变成自己所希望的样子，
万一变不成就不爱他了。
真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的，
你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏，你都希望这个人陪著你；
真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守，也就是没有丝毫要求。
毕竟，感情必须付出，而不是只想获得；
分开是一种必然的考验，
如果你们感情不够稳固，只好认输，
真爱是不会变成怨恨的。
两人在谈情说爱的时候，
最喜欢叫对方发誓，许下承诺我们为什么要对方发誓，
就是因为我们不相信对方，我们根本不相信情人，
而这些山盟海誓又很不切实际：
海枯石烂、地老天荒，都不能改变我对你的爱!
明知道海不会枯、石不会烂、地不会老、天不会荒；
就算会，也活不到那时候。
许下诺言的时候千万注意，不要许下可以实现的诺言，
最好是承诺做不到的事，
反正做不到的，随便说说也不要紧，
请记住：”不可能实现的诺言最动人”
在爱情里，说的是一套，做的是另一套；
讲的人不相信，听的人也不相信。
你呢？找到了第几个？
茫茫人海中，你遇见了谁？谁又遇见了你？
祝愿天下有情人终成眷属

Hi Francis;

Yes, I can understand the passage. Thank you, it is a very good read to me.

 

[Silence Sky]

There is no right or wrong in love. Because of love, brilliant minds can also succumbed.
I can still remember the marriage of Princess Di. What a fairy tale marriage it was.....

Recently, I went through the same trough.
The woman I love was outlandish, and I was reserved. But the funny thing was, I still love her...

The only thing I could have done was via the translation of this Chinese Song:

I promised too much Or I still din give enough
You alway have enough reasons But I still try to blend with your wishes
Let you be crazy Let you loosen up Hope one day you will be touched
I pretend to be unmoved by rumours
Till all the dreams are tried Till you are satisfied
I want another try I want to ask who do you love
If love is so hard to tell from right or wrong Then don't run be brave
The heart you gave him Can you still ask it to come back
How can I be angry for your mistake It was I who gave you too much freedom *beyond limit*
Caused you to aloof Embroiled in the current
How can I let you suffer It was I who gave you too much freedom *beyond limit*
If you want to fly Let me bear your pains


The last thing I can ever do is wish her well, and sms her that there will alway be a place for her in my heart.

If it is love, nothing can stop you or hold you back.
Just remember, you reap what you sow.

What is love?
红尘自有痴情者
莫笑痴情太痴狂
若非一番寒澈骨
那得梅花扑鼻香
问世间情为何物
只教人生死相许
看人间多少故事
最消魂梅花三弄
(白&#65306
“梅花一弄断人肠”
“梅花二弄费思量”
“梅花三弄风波起”
“云烟深处水茫茫”

Love is eternal. Be it the wronged kind of love. It is memory you can't rub away.
However, we only live once. Treasure it if you got the chance.

Hello Benign;

Good job in the translation. Is the song sang by Zhang xin zhe "Guo huo"?

 

[Silence Sky]

i agree with centuryegg on what he said. Just remember that there's no right or wrong in a relationship and no one is in any position to advise you what to do. Cause you will be the one to bear the consequences.

Your situation is not unique and i guess quite a lot of people has that feeling of falling in love with someone else even though they have gf/ wife. It could really be due to being in a realtionship for too long and thus things get stagnant. That's why there should be progress in a relationship. e.g from courtship to steady, from steady to marriage, from marriage to having children. These are the stages in life that will keep the feeling new and refreshed. If you stay at any one stage for too long, things will get boring and you may "fall in love" with another gal.

It is always important to think of the good moments that you have with your current gf/ wife before makign a decision. I have the same mistake once and i still regret it. I broke off with a gal which i realised later that i really love her but she is already with someone else and is planning for marriage.

People used to say you treasure those things that you lost and this could really be one of those cases. And things once lost, you will seldom be able to get it back.

So think carefully what you want before you decide on your action. cause you must not regret whatever decision you make.

Hi: So sorry to hear about your plight. Do you plan to let her know about your feelings now? Maybe she still have feeling for you.

 

[Witness]

i tink love is not just about the inital falling in love feeling..... its much more than that man....

 

[Belle&Sebastain]

time to take out that 1K+ coffee book and start watching your wedding videos again!

that is why wedding photographers/videographers work is priceless!


also if you want to redo it, most of the time expenses would have increased, like wedding tables, MUA, photog and relatives will not give you go big an ang bao as the last one.

 

[simon80]

be a good husband or bf ..
just tell the girl " I am married / attached " :bsmilie:

 

[Stereobox]

Yes, on moral grounds, I agree with you.
If you happen to meet apple first, you will have to give up on Orange for being the later. But if you did not try out the Orange, then how do you know how deep your love for Apple is. If you happen to love Orange more and you stick with Apple, wouldn’t your life be full of regrets?

if we are not content with our heart, we will always be looking out for the 'next' one to try out. dont-try-will-regret kind of attitude. your colleague appears to be the 'one' right now, and that's only because you are not allowed to get too close at the moment. when you really get to know her, will you still be able to accept her for her habits, flaws and mistakes? will you still be looking at her the same way as you do now? will you start looking for the next fruit? start regretting?

instead of appreciating Apple for what it is, crunchy and full of nutrients, you are tempted by Orange, in actual fact, a Forbidden fruit. who knows? Orange may appear bright and cheery on the outside, but after tasting, you may find it too sour and worse, allergic to it!
that's the worst case scenario. but all fruits will turn bad with time, even oranges....are you able to handle that fact?

my advice to you again is to find peace within your own heart. it is unfair and impossible to depend on others for our own happiness. ("only she can make me happy, but i cannot get her", etc). happiness is for you to find yourself, and give it to others, not to take. regrets come from a weakness of character, an inability to accept or deal with reality.

don't let the vicious cycle of regrets start within yourself.

many of the people here are posting out of compassion for your situation. even though you may not entirely agree with what they say, do take time to extract points which are relevant to you. personally i agree with what rudigunawan says in post #67. find out what it is that make you want to go 'shopping', and whether you can resolve the situation. choices you make ultimately comes around to affect you. so choose wisely.

 

[azul123]

if we are not content with our heart, we will always be looking out for the 'next' one to try out. dont-try-will-regret kind of attitude. your colleague appears to be the 'one' right now, and that's only because you are not allowed to get too close at the moment. when you really get to know her, will you still be able to accept her for her habits, flaws and mistakes? will you still be looking at her the same way as you do now? will you start looking for the next fruit? start regretting?

instead of appreciating Apple for what it is, crunchy and full of nutrients, you are tempted by Orange, in actual fact, a Forbidden fruit. who knows? Orange may appear bright and cheery on the outside, but after tasting, you may find it too sour and worse, allergic to it!
that's the worst case scenario. but all fruits will turn bad with time, even oranges....are you able to handle that fact?

I concur with Stereobox. It's like trying bunjie jumping or a rollercoaster ride for the first time, it's very exciting for the first time but after doing the same ride over and over the excitement gets lesser and lesser until you try a newer/larger/bigger trill.

Anyway, it is TS life.. up to him to deal with this his own way.

../azul123

 

[centuryegg]

Just to add.... The thought suddentely sprang to my mind and I want to say I really really hope you are did not fall for a China girl you met in some place.... No offence but have seen too many of such cases... Seen so many friends married with kid, established in careers have their entire future sunk because of a Chinese lass they met during overseas biz trip, during entertainment trip to nightclub etc.

All of them the same reaction.... happily married today next day seperated and say they found their "real" or "new" love.. say the girl make them feel what they never feel before.... sigh poor souls....

 

[Del_CtrlnoAlt]

Just to add.... The thought suddentely sprang to my mind and I want to say I really really hope you are did not fall for a China girl you met in some place.... No offence but have seen too many of such cases... Seen so many friends married with kid, established in careers have their entire future sunk because of a Chinese lass they met during overseas biz trip, during entertainment trip to nightclub etc.

All of them the same reaction.... happily married today next day seperated and say they found their "real" or "new" love.. say the girl make them feel what they never feel before.... sigh poor souls....

time to send sggals to china for training.

 

[furrycake]

Yes, on moral grounds, I agree with you.
If you happen to meet apple first, you will have to give up on Orange for being the later. But if you did not try out the Orange, then how do you know how deep your love for Apple is. If you happen to love Orange more and you stick with Apple, wouldn’t your life be full of regrets?

aiya.. how can you compare women with fruits ? what if it's the other way round and your wife or gf compares you & her potential new 'love' to fruits as well?

anyway it appears to me that you already made up your mind that you love orange more. the very 1st reply said everything already, it's i-n-f-a-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. it's your own life, no one can live for you good luck to you.

 

[Del_CtrlnoAlt]

aiya.. how can you compare women with fruits ? what if it's the other way round and your wife or gf compares you & her potential new 'love' to fruits as well?

anyway it appears to me that you already made up your mind that you love orange more. the very 1st reply said everything already, it's i-n-f-a-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. it's your own life, no one can live for you good luck to you.

ya lor... come to think about it, i dun mind papaya or watermelon, but dun gimme durian can liao...

wat fruit u like?

 

[arpinkor]

Just to add.... The thought suddentely sprang to my mind and I want to say I really really hope you are did not fall for a China girl you met in some place.... No offence but have seen too many of such cases... Seen so many friends married with kid, established in careers have their entire future sunk because of a Chinese lass they met during overseas biz trip, during entertainment trip to nightclub etc.

All of them the same reaction.... happily married today next day seperated and say they found their "real" or "new" love.. say the girl make them feel what they never feel before.... sigh poor souls....

Those girls know how to stroke a man, and I'm not just talking about egos here.