another long day of marking ahead... this weekend still have to go to yishun for a recce...
hmm.. ....canon..............neekon
....................
hmm.. ....canon..............neekon
....................
Sentosa Thread LX (60) - furball 59:984 "Congrads to NW and wifey on second baby"
- Thread starter acidbyte
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D3 vs 1DsM3?another long day of marking ahead... this weekend still have to go to yishun for a recce...
hmm.. ....canon..............neekon
....................
E-Mail Adresses? ***
Many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up a E-mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from.
Add to that a large database of company/college Acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individual involved, however:
TOP TEN Actual E-mail Addresses
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.edu
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.edu
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) - dickinme@iup.edu
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - kissinfk@lvu.edu
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) - beeranbj@myplace.com
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker@pu.edu
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin@bsu.edu
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton, Canada) - btkisser@bendover.com
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock@tru.com
Many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up a E-mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people to choose from.
Add to that a large database of company/college Acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individual involved, however:
TOP TEN Actual E-mail Addresses
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.edu
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.edu
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) - dickinme@iup.edu
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - kissinfk@lvu.edu
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) - beeranbj@myplace.com
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker@pu.edu
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin@bsu.edu
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton, Canada) - btkisser@bendover.com
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock@tru.com
"Advice For Young Girlfriends"
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally
confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally
confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
1 Joke A Day - Pregnant Triplets Gunshot
A women was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.
So 16 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO PEE AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO **** AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the eldest son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "NO, NO, I SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND IN THE MOUTH AT THE BATHROOM!"
A women was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.
So 16 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO PEE AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO **** AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the eldest son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "NO, NO, I SHOT MY GIRLFRIEND IN THE MOUTH AT THE BATHROOM!"
Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John
to a surgeon.
"You are in luck," said the surgeon. "I am an expert in re-attaching limbs.
Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation."
So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, " I did it
faster than I expected. John is down at the pub.
Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing
darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John
accidentally cut off his leg.
Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the
same surgeon.
" Legs are harder,"said the surgeon, "but I'll see what I can do - come
back in six hours. "
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, " I finished
early -
John's playing football
Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50
meter torpedoes.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John
accidentally cut off his own head.
Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John
to the surgeon, confident that the skillful surgeon would do the job.
"Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach, " the
surgeon
muttered, " but I'll see what I can do - come back in
12 hours. "
Sam returned in 12 hours.
"How did it go, Doc? " he asked.
" I'm sorry. John died, " the surgeon replied. " He
suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!"
to a surgeon.
"You are in luck," said the surgeon. "I am an expert in re-attaching limbs.
Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation."
So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, " I did it
faster than I expected. John is down at the pub.
Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing
darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John
accidentally cut off his leg.
Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the
same surgeon.
" Legs are harder,"said the surgeon, "but I'll see what I can do - come
back in six hours. "
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, " I finished
early -
John's playing football
Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50
meter torpedoes.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John
accidentally cut off his own head.
Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John
to the surgeon, confident that the skillful surgeon would do the job.
"Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach, " the
surgeon
muttered, " but I'll see what I can do - come back in
12 hours. "
Sam returned in 12 hours.
"How did it go, Doc? " he asked.
" I'm sorry. John died, " the surgeon replied. " He
suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!"
Get 5D. Don't wait for D3.
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."
Ladies Night Out
Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 note.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 note and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a 20 note.
She called the guy back, licks the 20 note, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a 50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the 50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the 50 note.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.....what could I do??
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and went home!!
Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a 10 note.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the 10 note and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a 20 note.
She called the guy back, licks the 20 note, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a 50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the 50 note.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!!!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the 50 note.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.....what could I do??
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and went home!!
BIGGEST LIE
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided
to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher,
“When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided
to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher,
“When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher
How To Satisfy A Man
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don’t care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin’ in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN:
Show up naked with food.
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don’t care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin’ in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again.
HOW TO SATISFY A MAN:
Show up naked with food.
SWIMMING POOL….
A guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool
when the manager told him to get out.
When asked for the reason, the manager said, “Because you
urinated in the pool.”
“Well,” replied the swimmer, “lots of people do that.”
“True,” answered the manager, “but you did it from the diving board.”
loner817 is offline Report Bad Post Reply With Quote
A guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool
when the manager told him to get out.
When asked for the reason, the manager said, “Because you
urinated in the pool.”
“Well,” replied the swimmer, “lots of people do that.”
“True,” answered the manager, “but you did it from the diving board.”
loner817 is offline Report Bad Post Reply With Quote
ernest_ted
Senior Member
very very free.......
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