Help!!! How to handle love?

[HiTeck]

Hahaha... So you got involved with your boss!!! Serve you right.

He flung his performance appraisal lah - graded unsatisfactory


TS - is it lust after all

 

[Benign]

Hello Benign;

Good job in the translation. Is the song sang by Zhang xin zhe "Guo huo"?

Yes, it is "Guo Huo".

To love and being loved is often the outcome in our relationship.
It is impossible to strike a balance, my friend. If you already attached/married, think very hard about the vows you took, the fond memories you had, hardships you shared together too.....hope it is strong enough to keep your heart at bay. Sometimes, love to me is about giving more than taking.

End of the day, to each his/her own.
I hope it works out well at your nick of the wood :thumbsup:

 

[Silence Sky]

Just my 2 cents.

You can try to decompose this situation into two parts, and hopefully this way you will find your happiness.

Before going into your newfound interest in another person, you should look at your current relationship. Try to do this independent from whether you have feelings for another person. Do you still love her? Is your feelings for her different now than when you marry her? why? can you do something about it? (is she driving you mad?) You definitely would want to resolve this first. If you do want to split, don't do it because you want to be with another person. Because some day, you may end up in the same situation with this new person.

Only after resolving the first issue, you can then move on to explore whether your feelings for the other person is "real". I do hope that the attraction is mutual. BTW, I believe it is normal to have feelings for another person even when you are already in a relationship (married, gf). It is just human to have such feelings. Once you accepted this, then you can start managing your feelings. I believe love is like a tree. If you don't take care of it, then it will die. As someone already pointed out, you can try to avoid contacts with this new interest of yours. That is, you need to choose which "tree" that you want to take care, and I do hope that you will be happy.

I'm sure in our life we will meet people that we may have strong feelings for. Today it may be this girl, but tomorrow it could be another. So in the end, you may end up alone. That is the worst case scenario.

FYI, I'm an engineer (can't you tell?), and this perhaps is an engineering approach your problem.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

At least you did not show me the Fish Bone Diagram and Force Field analysis. :bsmilie:

 

[sugary88]

Love is not just a feeling. Love is a decision.

If everyone loves by feelings alone, the whole world will be in chaos, don't you agree?

 

[Silence Sky]

if we are not content with our heart, we will always be looking out for the 'next' one to try out. dont-try-will-regret kind of attitude. your colleague appears to be the 'one' right now, and that's only because you are not allowed to get too close at the moment. when you really get to know her, will you still be able to accept her for her habits, flaws and mistakes? will you still be looking at her the same way as you do now? will you start looking for the next fruit? start regretting?

instead of appreciating Apple for what it is, crunchy and full of nutrients, you are tempted by Orange, in actual fact, a Forbidden fruit. who knows? Orange may appear bright and cheery on the outside, but after tasting, you may find it too sour and worse, allergic to it!
that's the worst case scenario. but all fruits will turn bad with time, even oranges....are you able to handle that fact?

my advice to you again is to find peace within your own heart. it is unfair and impossible to depend on others for our own happiness. ("only she can make me happy, but i cannot get her", etc). happiness is for you to find yourself, and give it to others, not to take. regrets come from a weakness of character, an inability to accept or deal with reality.

don't let the vicious cycle of regrets start within yourself.

many of the people here are posting out of compassion for your situation. even though you may not entirely agree with what they say, do take time to extract points which are relevant to you. personally i agree with what rudigunawan says in post #67. find out what it is that make you want to go 'shopping', and whether you can resolve the situation. choices you make ultimately comes around to affect you. so choose wisely.

Thanks Pal, you have been helpful.

I admit I do not know what love is.
At the beginning I thought I knew what love is, but as day goes by it become so illusive that I started to doubt about it.
Love to me is just like a gust of wind. You do not know when it will come and when it will go, but it is constantly here.
I can’t explain it, I can’t see it, I can’t touch it, but I can feel it when it comes.
All I know is when I feel the love, it will lift me off the ground and life becomes so wonderful.

To extract points which are relevant to me:
First set the limit or boundary that I can’t cross. Then indulge myself in the magical feeling while staying within the limits.
Don’t be too honest with yourself or others as the truth always hurts.
How many times did your naughty eyes traced along your sexy colleague’s panty line?
How many times those sultry AV stars did join you in your fantasy land?
Are you going to confide your partner about these things?

In the game of love,
Should it be Head over Heart or,
Heart over Head?
Either way, I am going to suffer.

People always say “Varieties and choices spice up your life”.
Does this statement also apply to our love life?
A GF, A wife and A mistress, give you a totally different experience.
What you can find in your mistress, you will never find it in your wife.

The only grave mistake I did not make …. And very proud of…..Is…..
I AM STILL SINGLE.

Merry Christmas to everyone. May your life be filled with loves.

 

[azul123]

When you are in love it feels like when you are near that person, your heart skip a beat with every few heartbeat. That is how best I can explain it.

../azul123

 

[Silence Sky]

When you are in love it feels like when you are near that person, your heart skip a beat with every few heartbeat. That is how best I can explain it.

../azul123

Hi Azul:

Do you have a heart problem?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

 

[teeras]

theres still a solution!!!!!!!!!! convert your religion to a MUSLIM , hahahahahahaha!

 

[azul123]

Hi Azul:

Do you have a heart problem?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

:bsmilie:
I know it is kind of hard to believe right? but that is really how it feels like, can't explain it any other way... if you didn't felt that when you are near the person you love... then it is not love. :bsmilie:

../azul123

 

[Silence Sky]

:bsmilie:
I know it is kind of hard to believe right? but that is really how it feels like, can't explain it any other way... if you didn't felt that when you are near the person you love... then it is not love.

../azul123

I undertand that perfectly, You are right.
Love makes me blind.
Love makes me dumb.

Does your heart still skip when you are near your wife?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:
or it is weather too hot to be so close?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

 

[Silence Sky]

theres still a solution!!!!!!!!!! convert your religion to a MUSLIM , hahahahahahaha!

Friend, don't make fun of Muslim.
The most they have is four....
Convert to Satan, you will have plenty.:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

 

[teeras]

Friend, don't make fun of Muslim.
The most they have is four....
Convert to Satan, you will have plenty.:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

this means only one thing you dont love your wife and thats the reality.

 

[azul123]

I undertand that perfectly, You are right.
Love makes me blind.
Love makes me dumb.

Does your heart still skip when you are near your wife?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:
or it is weather too hot to be so close?:bsmilie: :bsmilie:

I've been happily married for 23+ years but have known my wife for 29+ years. She still makes me feel special. You know in order to keep feeling like this, you got to make some time just for the 2 of you, no one else no kids nobody but the 2 of you.

Do you believe that I hold my wife's hand when she walks with me even till today? she was my high school sweetheart. Those you have met be before may think how can that be right, I don't look that old but I started young, she was my high school sweetheart.

:sweatsm:

I can't imagine my life without her, I'm lucky I found my soulmate.

../azul123

 

[jtan4]

I think the inital feeling of being in love is abit of infatuation, lust, and basically being totally lost in rapture. This feeling is very fleeting - it cannot last for long. Unfortunately, a lot of us like to have that feeling.

Being married is a huge commitment. Now, commitment, unfortunately, requires a lot of work and effort. It also requires a decision to be made to stick to the marriage, however and whatever difficulties you face along the way.

Romance will die off after a few months/maybe years in a marriage. But commitment is what keeps it going - commitment to continuously try to rekindle the passion, to go back to the courtship days, to communicate etc.

I don't know about you guys, but I do like the familiarity and also the security that comes with marriage. With a new relationship, everything seems to be so alien - you'd have to start "exploring" that person (the likes and dislikes, the history, the personality etc). It is just so tiring after a while to keep doing that over and over again with each new person you try to start a relationship with. However, with a steady partner/spouse, you know that at the end of the day, you have a person whom you can always rely on, pour your sorrows, share your laughter etc. It's like an old blanket/bolster/pillow that you hug to sleep at night - it's the familiarity that makes you want to stick to it.

Cheers
Jinny

 

[CreaXion]

theres still a solution!!!!!!!!!! convert your religion to a MUSLIM , hahahahahahaha!

Shucks! You beat me to it. I was abt to say it.

Anyway four wives not easy. If anyone were to follow the rules as stated in the Koran, "You can marry one, two, three or four. However, if u cannot treat them equally, marry only one." Did not check the Qur'an for the actual translation but close enough.

Basically, u must treat all fairly. If u give one of the wife something, the other one must also receive and that includes sex. If one is excluded, wife can bring u to court and sue the husband. So not that easy as it seems. But I one wife already nagging at me liao. Still want another one to top up, no thank you.

But to the TS, since u are single, no harm going to the other one but be prepared to regret your decision cause u may lose more than u think as stated in one of the post. Think twice basically.

If u are married without children, sometimes may be better for both parties to part if THERE IS REALLY A PROBLEM THAT CANNOT BE RESOLVED. If married with children, MUST TRIPLE CONSIDER CAUSE IMPACT NOT ON U BUT ON CHILDREN.

For your current situation, ask yourself this qn,
Are your current partner and u avoiding conflict by not talking abt certain things or u will avoid unpleasant topics? If it is, you may actually have a breakdown in comms. Comms is one of the main reason for marriage failure besides money and sex.

 

[teeras]

last year i bought a d70 and now im inlove with d80.

 

[Sion]

this means only one thing you dont love your wife and thats the reality.

After the conversion your wives know you love them and having 4 is just to fulfill your religious duty.

 

[Sion]

last year i bought a d70 and now im inlove with d80.

And your father-in-law's name is Nikon? :bsmilie:

 

[CreaXion]

this means only one thing you dont love your wife and thats the reality.

To be able to have 4 does not mean that u need to have 4 wives. I know we are not supposed to discuss religious issues here but let's look at the real world situation from this perspective.

In real world, man are lusty and many of my friends are the chiong type. Which is the better of the two "evils"? To have sex with responsibility or without responsibility.

Another viewpt. In certain parts of the world, there is less men than women. This could be due to certain circumstances like war, etc, etc. Woman also has their needs which only man can fulfill. So how.

There are many other complicated factors besides these that will support polygamy. People will also swear agst it. Two main viewpts and in my opinion, situational. Each has pros and cons.

But basically, it is just a provision and need not be practised. What must be practised are the rules for husbands and wives?

And when u dun love a person anymore, there are many factors and it depends as what many pp say, whether u want to work on it.

 

[Canonised]

Love is a many-splendored thing,
It's the April rose that only grows in the early spring,
Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living,
The golden crown that makes a man a king.

:angel::angel:


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