EXPOSE Yourself - XIII
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Royaux
Senior Member
indeed :think:
tainted
Member
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, What are the grounds for your divorce?
She replied, About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.
No, he said, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, she responded.
I mean, he continued, What are your relations like?
I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husbands parents.
He said, Do you have a real grudge?
No, she replied, We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.
Please, he tried again, is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We dont necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.
Maam, does your husband ever beat you up?
Yes, she responded, about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, Lady, why do you want a divorce?
Oh, I dont want a divorce, she replied. Ive never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he cant communicate with me.
She replied, About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.
No, he said, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, she responded.
I mean, he continued, What are your relations like?
I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husbands parents.
He said, Do you have a real grudge?
No, she replied, We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.
Please, he tried again, is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We dont necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.
Maam, does your husband ever beat you up?
Yes, she responded, about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, Lady, why do you want a divorce?
Oh, I dont want a divorce, she replied. Ive never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he cant communicate with me.
nakashimamika
Senior Member
back home riao 
tainted
Member
Thoughts to ponder...
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When Im feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbors dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you think there is good in everybody, you havent met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a childs middle name is so he can tell when hes really in trouble.
Theres always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles dont hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words The and IRS together it spells Theirs.
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. Ive traveled a long way and some of the roads werent paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. Its worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, its called golf.
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When Im feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbors dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you think there is good in everybody, you havent met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a childs middle name is so he can tell when hes really in trouble.
Theres always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles dont hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words The and IRS together it spells Theirs.
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way. Ive traveled a long way and some of the roads werent paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. Its worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, its called golf.
tainted
Member
A woman and a baby were in the doctors examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the babys first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, saw it was a little low, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
Breast-fed, she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist, the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You dont have any milk.
I know, she said, I'm his Grandma, but Im glad I came
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, saw it was a little low, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
Breast-fed, she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist, the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You dont have any milk.
I know, she said, I'm his Grandma, but Im glad I came
tainted
Member
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
Gee, Mom, he exclaimed. For me?
Just take two, Brenda replied . The rest are for your father.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
Gee, Mom, he exclaimed. For me?
Just take two, Brenda replied . The rest are for your father.
Leong23
Senior Member
Eat something sweet.
Jimmy81
Senior Member
LOL whose pictures? EXPOSE!!
Royaux
Senior Member
nakashimamika
Senior Member
Jimmy81
Senior Member
back home riao
Welcome home!!! Have a rest n prepare to work again tml!!!
Weekend ish soosh long away.........
nakashimamika
Senior Member
ya roh, chiur brudder still tell me weekend cummingWelcome home!!! Have a rest n prepare to work again tml!!!
Weekend ish soosh long away.........
riotvan
Deregistered
something sweet not with me now :bsmilie:
from a photoshoot....
cannot i got OCD tendencies i must do myself until i satisfied LOL
yr hair rong enuf or notch?
can tie somewhere, prevent doze off
my hair very short lawl
Royaux
Senior Member
tainted
Member
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
May I help you sir? she asked.
I want to see Valerie, the man replied.
Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else, said the madam.
No, I must see Valerie, he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?
The man replied, Ontario .
Really, she said.. I have family in Ontario.
I know. the man said. Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
May I help you sir? she asked.
I want to see Valerie, the man replied.
Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else, said the madam.
No, I must see Valerie, he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?
The man replied, Ontario .
Really, she said.. I have family in Ontario.
I know. the man said. Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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