Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Shizuma
- Start date
A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent, Kamal doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.
Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kamal is not a rose. Don't smell him. Teach him ...
==============================================
Mother to Son : Who is Iskandar Zulkarnain?
Son : Don't know.
Mother : Sometimes give attention to ur study also.
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty?
Mother : Don't know.
Son : Sometimes give attention to Dad also.
========================================================
A Cute Excuse:
Teacher : Why are you late?
Student: Mom & Dad were fighting
Teacher : So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student : One shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's ...
============================================
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book "How to Cook!!!"
=================================
Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife : Had alcohol?
Husband : No No Darling
Wife: Idiot ... Then why you opened my suitcase and acting like typing ... !
Dear Parent, Kamal doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.
Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kamal is not a rose. Don't smell him. Teach him ...
==============================================
Mother to Son : Who is Iskandar Zulkarnain?
Son : Don't know.
Mother : Sometimes give attention to ur study also.
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty?
Mother : Don't know.
Son : Sometimes give attention to Dad also.
========================================================
A Cute Excuse:
Teacher : Why are you late?
Student: Mom & Dad were fighting
Teacher : So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student : One shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's ...
============================================
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book "How to Cook!!!"
=================================
Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife : Had alcohol?
Husband : No No Darling
Wife: Idiot ... Then why you opened my suitcase and acting like typing ... !
A little girl was awaken by noise in her parent's bedroom... so she went to investigate. That surprised her parents as her mum was bumping up and down while sitting on her dad's tummy.
"What are you doing?" asked the girl.
The shocked mother said, "Oh... honey... your dad has too much gas in his big tummy and I am trying to press it out."
"It's useless", said the little girl.
"You press it out and Aunt Jane from next door will just blow back the air into daddy's tummy like she did this morning."
"What are you doing?" asked the girl.
The shocked mother said, "Oh... honey... your dad has too much gas in his big tummy and I am trying to press it out."
"It's useless", said the little girl.
"You press it out and Aunt Jane from next door will just blow back the air into daddy's tummy like she did this morning."
hi..i am renting my 2 kids for this coming year end holiday (nov-dec 2015)
details:-
-2 sickening boys.pri 3 and sec 2.
-ungrateful and problematic.
-perfect "strawberry generation" kids.
-selfish and uncaring.
good for:-
-parents to be....first hand experience of what to expect when you have children.
-married without children..the emptiness will be fulfilled with joy and madness.
-kids all grown up....relived your bitter memories when they were once young.
-or just stupid enough to pay me for my kids.
leasing agreement:-
-$500 for one kid.take both for $800 and you save $200!!
-guaranteed to make your life miserable or full refund.
-basic lodging and food only.other spending's are not claimable.
-anything/object/belongings that breaks in your house is under your responsibility. They are not my children while under your care.
-NO DEPOSIT...!!!take first pay later scheme.if you do not return them, you don't have to pay at all.(BEST DEAL EVER)
interested parties do PM me.please,anyone!
-
details:-
-2 sickening boys.pri 3 and sec 2.
-ungrateful and problematic.
-perfect "strawberry generation" kids.
-selfish and uncaring.
good for:-
-parents to be....first hand experience of what to expect when you have children.
-married without children..the emptiness will be fulfilled with joy and madness.
-kids all grown up....relived your bitter memories when they were once young.
-or just stupid enough to pay me for my kids.
leasing agreement:-
-$500 for one kid.take both for $800 and you save $200!!
-guaranteed to make your life miserable or full refund.
-basic lodging and food only.other spending's are not claimable.
-anything/object/belongings that breaks in your house is under your responsibility. They are not my children while under your care.
-NO DEPOSIT...!!!take first pay later scheme.if you do not return them, you don't have to pay at all.(BEST DEAL EVER)
interested parties do PM me.please,anyone!
-
mmm..thought this was the joke thread.no malice here,,just kidding around.cheers!
Uncle Fai is right.
Yours is a fake ads, mine is a genuine bumper sticker. ;p
http://www.zazzle.com/be_nice_to_your_kids_bumper_sticker_car_bumper_sticker-128367546243230375
Last edited:
Shamelessly copied from another website -
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.”
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.”
"Lexophile" is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as "you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish" , or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa. The year's winning submissions:
... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
... The batteries were given out free of charge.
... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
... A will is a dead giveaway.
... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
... Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
... A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
... When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
... Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.
For people with a good sense of humor😂😂😜
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa. The year's winning submissions:
... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
... The batteries were given out free of charge.
... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
... A will is a dead giveaway.
... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
... Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
... A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
... When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
... Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.
For people with a good sense of humor😂😂😜
Similar threads
