Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Shizuma
- Start date
oceanpriest
Senior Member
My physics teacher told us a joke today:
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over-board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette over-board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Shizuma
Senior Member
I sure hope they know how to swim when the vessel catches fire.
Shizuma
Senior Member
"Don't knock Justin Bieber. His music saved my life. I was in a coma after an accident for six months, and the doctors weren't sure if I'd survive it. One day a nurse came in and turned on the radio which was playing a Bieber song. I immediately woke up and turned it off."
In a few weeks it will also cure cancer and kidney malfunctions. And maybe also lens fungus :bsmilie:
Shizuma
Senior Member
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's....
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London,the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but....
it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London,the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but....
it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
Foxshade
Senior Member
Don't Pray Pray with Blonde
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is the answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is the answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
Last edited:
richiemccaw1
Senior Member
UncleFai - saw this sometime back. still a classic! 
fotoudavid
Senior Member
can share in FB??
UncleFai
Senior Member
Sure... do know that it is not my photo... I got the link from a friend's FB posting... he probably got it from somewhere else too...
richiemccaw1
Senior Member
LOL. Mai lai....
So sorry to let you know that there us no vacancy. His coffin is for one and the incumbent is still occupying it.
We wish you the best in your job search.
Yours truely
No vacancy
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