Gf's bro wanted my free service.

[palvin]

think we shld do a Poll if alvin is to shoot for his future bro in law?

No please. Don't wanna be the center of attraction. Just wanna keep a low profile. Just wanna be me.

 

[palvin]

personally I don't feel so right charging for the close one...bro in law is just like your own bro...and personally I will not charge for my bro in law.

However, service must be appreciated, else I would rather not to do the job. It is not about money, but appreciation.

So...it should be either to take up the job and do it happily with whole heartful (for free) or decline to do it. You should not do it for money, as if he is paying you to do the job, then you are no longer a bro in law but just a photographer that he hired (lower grade).

Hi, sorry.
To correct you, its my future bro-in-law. Not my bro-in-law yet. Hence its a big big difference.

 

[centuryegg]

so serious ah?

I dont see it this way. So many threads here have been talking about "I, I and I only" and about "You are marrying your gf not her family" etc etc I have never met anyone here outside the forum but I am sorry if I offend, they sound like statements made by teens or someone who has not settled down and got married.

Ask those who are married, do they not strive to build a good relationship with their in laws? Do they not call their in laws Dad and Mum? And the day that comes, do they not feel a sense of acceptance in their gf's family and not a guy that happens to be seeing their daughter?

Put yourself in your gf's shoes, how long have you been dating her? 1 year? 2 years? A few years? And how long has her brother been her brother? The point is it is her brother, her family of course she cares for him and hopes that you can help him out. If you really feel you are not happy about his attitude then tell her frankly with no holds barred, It is your right after all. Don't beat around the bush and try to be diplomatic as she will misunderstand that you dont want to help.

Remember this dude, when you marry a girl, both of you gain an addtional family each. Just as you dont hope she tells you "Your old $%^) parents, useless good for nothings, I marry you not them, I dont want them to come near us. best dont see them at all" you dont do the same to her parents. You should not be taken advantage of but neither should you be too self centred.

 

[sehsuan]

Once a precedent has been achieved, that may open the floodgates to future FREE requests.

 

[Deadpoet]

i think ur gf is rather biased, as a bf u should b held in higher regardes than her bro. if she's not going 2 listen 2 u on tis subject 4 now, think abt how she will likely 2 siam other stuff in d future. :thumbsd:
sad 2 say, mayb u r not tt imp aft all... :embrass:

sore eyes seeing this clearly. Ask yourself, are you that close to your gf? ARe you the most important person in her life? Are worse, will you ever be the most important person in her life? If the asnwer to question 2 is not an emphatic yes, you are in serious trouble. Time to change model.

I dont see it this way. So many threads here have been talking about "I, I and I only" and about "You are marrying your gf not her family" etc etc I have never met anyone here outside the forum but I am sorry if I offend, they sound like statements made by teens or someone who has not settled down and got married.

Ask those who are married, do they not strive to build a good relationship with their in laws? Do they not call their in laws Dad and Mum? And the day that comes, do they not feel a sense of acceptance in their gf's family and not a guy that happens to be seeing their daughter?

Put yourself in your gf's shoes, how long have you been dating her? 1 year? 2 years? A few years? And how long has her brother been her brother? The point is it is her brother, her family of course she cares for him and hopes that you can help him out. If you really feel you are not happy about his attitude then tell her frankly with no holds barred, It is your right after all. Don't beat around the bush and try to be diplomatic as she will misunderstand that you dont want to help.

Remember this dude, when you marry a girl, both of you gain an addtional family each. Just as you dont hope she tells you "Your old $%^) parents, useless good for nothings, I marry you not them, I dont want them to come near us. best dont see them at all" you dont do the same to her parents. You should not be taken advantage of but neither should you be too self centred.

Sorry, the respect thing is not one way. The gaining thing is not one way. Putting your foot in her shoe thing is not one way. Not being too self centered thing is not one way.

What you are suggesting is, it's ok to be taken advantage of, because you might be family one day. BAD ADVISE.

Buidling good realtionship with your gf's family is important, however, it's not a one way thing.

Once a precedent has been achieved, that may open the floodgates to future FREE requests.

sehsuan is right, floodgate openned, can never be closed ever again.

 

[hongsien]

sehsuan is right, floodgate openned, can never be closed ever again.

You have got to learn to say 'no'......it is not easy, but sometimes you will get to learn the real person this way.....

HS

 

[cjl]

I know Its not good to say bad things of my gf's bro in a public forum but it did made me a little furious.

See, during my gf bro's ROM, he did not want me to take pic for him. He only asked my gf to take using the P+S camera. My gf is quite concern over the quality of the photo and hence asked me to take for him. Ok, so i reluctantly take it for him using my DSLR and i was not appreciated that much. Its free service and i did it for my gf's request.

Then this time, her bro wants me to be the AD photographer for his wedding day and dinner. What he suggested was that i can go to the wedding dinner without giving him "ang pow" but i need to be the photographer for the day! Its like giving me a free meal for my effort.

The way he puts it, is telling me that my service is worth only the market price of the wedding dinner "ang pow".

So do you think i still take it for him for free? Cos he can easily engage a photographer from Malaysia and it cost only RM$500. But lets say if i charge him cheap price at $250. After giving him a $80 "ang pow", i still have $170 left!

Her bro is a little cheap skate. Pros out there, what are your advices?

I am not in the very right position to comment on ur situation due to my current starting out @ photography.

However, my experience in graphic design will be v similar to ur plight.

Most of the pple around us (unless they share the same interests as u do) dun really appreciate the things we do, in this case - photography (for ur case) and graphic designing (for mine)

I do admit, when I started venture out on my graphic design, i did a lot of free work, to get the exposure and to spread my name wide. In fact, some of my so called clients took up this big disadvantage of mine and abused me - never paying me for my work and yet use them. I couldnt do much as these clients are big pple in various industry. In the future, i may need these pple to secure more jobs. However, all of us can see this - they dun treat us and our skills with respect. They feel they ought to get what they wan, for a minimal fee or best, free

Its when you place a charge for your service, then this is where u will see the true behaviour of these pple - some ignored u and look for some others innocent preys, some finally see the hard work u put in and show some appreciatation in terms of cash.

Your future bro-in-law might be the former.

I dunno if photography is just a interest or a rice bowl for u, however, if u think/feel its right, u feel your skills are up to a standard where pple think its of some credit and get cash out of it, you should charge.

Dont make pple think lowly of our skills.

 

[cjl]

Dear all concerned pals,
Oh, this thread really drags and i still cannot come up with a conclusion.
I've asked my GF if she likes me to charge her bro or not. She said "of course don't like, its my brother leh"
Then i tried to share a piece of my mind with her on how i felt being exploited and she don't want to listen much.
All she said was... Her bro wedding is not here yet, don't want to talk about it first.
Sigh... i've got mixed feelings. I agreed on both sides when you guys ask me not to take for her bro as i'm being exploited, as well as ask me to take for her bro so that i won't put my gf in a spot.
Hence, no conclusion for now.

But i truly appreciate you guys giving me alot of ideas, comments and sharing me with your experiences. If i really reply to every single one of you, this thread will be very long. Thank you pals. Will update again when i've decided.

Much appreciated.
palvin

I may be rude in this part but....

How well does ur gf knows abt u being into photography? Sorry abt this but i simply hinged at her reply - "of course don't like, its my brother leh".

I dunno if this is going to be good but, perhaps u should ask ur gf/future bro-in-law in a high EQ way :

" Are you trying to make use of me? " and see their answers to this qn.

A warning though : the above qn will cause chaotic situations

 

[sORe-EyEz]

i wonder y u were refered 2 as a dude in post #183... :think:

plainly put:-

Once a precedent has been achieved, that may open the floodgates to future FREE requests.

tis is ultimately a personal choice, i hope u will make a choice n not b coerced into doing stuff u really dun 1 2. if she is trying 2 test u tis is surely not d way lo. follow ur gut feeling, i dun c y turning down a request is being selfish. y not turn d table ard & ask if her bro is really tt broke? :think: if she gets 2 defensive den...

if u dun mind being her bro's FOC photog u would hav already agreed & went ahead instead of seeking opinions. speak 2 her frankly & reason w/ ur gf. i hope she will hear u out, b-cos she ought 2.

 

[palvin]

I am not in the very right position to comment on ur situation due to my current starting out @ photography.

However, my experience in graphic design will be v similar to ur plight.

Most of the pple around us (unless they share the same interests as u do) dun really appreciate the things we do, in this case - photography (for ur case) and graphic designing (for mine)

I do admit, when I started venture out on my graphic design, i did a lot of free work, to get the exposure and to spread my name wide. In fact, some of my so called clients took up this big disadvantage of mine and abused me - never paying me for my work and yet use them. I couldnt do much as these clients are big pple in various industry. In the future, i may need these pple to secure more jobs. However, all of us can see this - they dun treat us and our skills with respect. They feel they ought to get what they wan, for a minimal fee or best, free

Its when you place a charge for your service, then this is where u will see the true behaviour of these pple - some ignored u and look for some others innocent preys, some finally see the hard work u put in and show some appreciatation in terms of cash.

Your future bro-in-law might be the former.

I dunno if photography is just a interest or a rice bowl for u, however, if u think/feel its right, u feel your skills are up to a standard where pple think its of some credit and get cash out of it, you should charge.

Dont make pple think lowly of our skills.

Hi, thanks for sharing your thoughts. So, even must charge for future in-laws?

 

[eikin]

still not settled yet?

 

[palvin]

I may be rude in this part but....

How well does ur gf knows abt u being into photography? Sorry abt this but i simply hinged at her reply - "of course don't like, its my brother leh".

I dunno if this is going to be good but, perhaps u should ask ur gf/future bro-in-law in a high EQ way :

" Are you trying to make use of me? " and see their answers to this qn.

A warning though : the above qn will cause chaotic situations

She's someone who knows that i invest alot in photography. I spent more money on photography than i save in my bank. Hmm... frankly speaking, i also dunno what my gf is thinking. I know she's stucked in between now but i've done alot of free photo shoots for her friends already. I don't want to make this a norm. I want to charge so that can cover part of the cost i spent on photography.

 

[davsmiths]

She's someone who knows that i invest alot in photography. I spent more money on photography than i save in my bank. Hmm... frankly speaking, i also dunno what my gf is thinking. I know she's stucked in between now but i've done alot of free photo shoots for her friends already. I don't want to make this a norm. I want to charge so that can cover part of the cost i spent on photography.

I doubt her brother-in-law's wedding is a very good time to enforce the change in principles... Charge a fee...

Either say No or do it.

How far away is the wedding? I hate seeing you be in such a agony over 10 thread long. Just make a decision and do let us know.. actually don't even have to let us know.

Just be happy with your decision.

 

[azul123]

Here to offer my 2 cents, sorry... I didn't read the earlier postings just read the last few only, if this was offered as a solution already, my apologies in advance..

i think ur gf is rather biased

Agree GF should not pressure you in anyway to do this for her Brother.

as a bf u should b held in higher regardes than her bro. if she's not going 2 listen 2 u on tis subject 4 now, think abt how she will likely 2 siam other stuff in d future. :thumbsd:

sad 2 say, mayb u r not tt imp aft all... :embrass:

Disagree, that GF should rate BF higher than Brother, in my books blood is always thicker, husbands and wives divorce and go seperate ways, but whether we like it or not till we die we have only the parents and siblings we have, no matter how good or bad our relationships are with them.

Why don't you siam this assignment and tell your GF and her Brother, that you drop your camera and misalligned it badly or cannot power up, got to replace some expensive parts which need to be shipped from Japan or Germany. You have to wait till you have the funds for it, till next pay day or something.

You can test your GF Brother's sincerity if he wants you to be his photographer he might be willing to fork out the money for the repairs/replacement, else if he keeps quiet you don't have to be his photographer and your GF will not be unhappy about this as well..

../azul123

 

[eikin]

your problem is probably the fear of being exploited by relationships. seems like you can't reject directly, and don't want to. how about this, take up the job, but tell your GF and her brother that you're going into freelance soon, so this will be the last job that you will not chrage. compromise made, but gives everyone some space to manoeuvre and no excuse for repeating of history.

 

[cjl]

Hi, thanks for sharing your thoughts. So, even must charge for future in-laws?

If Photography is ur rice bowl, there's more than enough reason to charge.

If its not, there's still one good reason to ask for payment - for your precious 24hrs a day.

In short, we have to be firm. We also must draw a line between "favours" and "paid assignments". Else, there will be no end to this, and as one CSer illustrate, your floodgates are down and out.

And perhaps, make this future bro-in-law's wedding the occasion for the line-drawing

 

[cjl]

She's someone who knows that i invest alot in photography. I spent more money on photography than i save in my bank. Hmm... frankly speaking, i also dunno what my gf is thinking. I know she's stucked in between now but i've done alot of free photo shoots for her friends already. I don't want to make this a norm. I want to charge so that can cover part of the cost i spent on photography.

I dunno.

If ur gf now is in a dilemma, perhaps u 2 can compromise on something out.

But if u feel ur gf is like forcing u to do it coz u r her bf, explain your hardship to her.

Lets try to be nice for a start. Who knows? A better deal may come out of it....

 

[eikin]

actually after so many pages i also see no point telling palvin to charge at this wedding. that should have been done right after the ROM. since that was not done, the line cannot be drawn now as palvin lost his initiative, can only draw the line after this one. palvin can make it clear that if future in-laws want his service, the best he can is to give a small discount, nothing less.

 

[cjl]

your problem is probably the fear of being exploited by relationships. seems like you can't reject directly, and don't want to. how about this, take up the job, but tell your GF and her brother that you're going into freelance soon, so this will be the last job that you will not chrage. compromise made, but gives everyone some space to manoeuvre and no excuse for repeating of history.

Perhaps not a very good idea.

I will suggest "i am doing freelancing now"

sad to say, history DOES repeat itself. We all know wat kind of pple are out that, abusing our skills and weak minds...

:cry:

 

[eikin]

Perhaps not a very good idea.

I will suggest "i am doing freelancing now"

sad to say, history DOES repeat itself. We all know wat kind of pple are out that, abusing our skills and weak minds...

:cry:

well, palvin's GF got to be convinced that he is freelancing now. he can't be telling her that he is freelancing now and the first job is her brother's wedding, right?