if i am not wrong, there is no way to disable the flash from firing esp when the AF assist comes on. the beam comes on automatically during low light condition unless disabled beforehand. the flash will trigger by itself. of cos u can choose to lower the power and bounce it elsewhere but then u gonna capture darkness. :bsmilie:
the st-e2 will be more useful if u only want the af assist.
You can disable the external flash via the camera's custom functions. AF assist is retained on the external flash.
Can't help you with whether to get a 430EX or 580EX, but if you're getting more than one flash then not advisable to get the 430EX as one of your choices.
Your off-camera (slave) flash should preferably be of the same power (or more powerful) than your on-camera (master) flash.