Memoir . A Short Film/TVC
- Thread starter Faffy
- Start date
pretty good. It drives the message home. I like the mood of it. In your write up you mentioned that you want the audience to "see what the character sees and feel his mood and in the end, 60 years of life shortened to his final 60 seconds." Perhaps you could try to omit your explanation and see if the guys here can see what your intention was?
- The initial start could maybe use an L cut? I'd like to hear the screech first on black and then have the visual of the crash. Its just my preference though.
- The flashbacks are kinda too random for anyone to relate to. Too much greenery for an urban city like SG, if SG was the intended audience that is. Maybe some footage of the driver hanging out with friends, family and establish a wider range of locations?
- the first scene of the girl tearing up, it feels more like a breakup rather than a loved one going away to a special place
- Im not sure who the person in the rain is suppose to depict. But good light though
- Lastly, the tagline of 60years | 60seconds. Is the driver 60 years old? It feels like you're targeting 60year old drivers.
Apologies for being too analytical. I could go on but those are really bordering more on styling preferences and that is subjective
anyway, the faux slow mo are done with pics/puppet warp and AE?
- The initial start could maybe use an L cut? I'd like to hear the screech first on black and then have the visual of the crash. Its just my preference though.
- The flashbacks are kinda too random for anyone to relate to. Too much greenery for an urban city like SG, if SG was the intended audience that is. Maybe some footage of the driver hanging out with friends, family and establish a wider range of locations?
- the first scene of the girl tearing up, it feels more like a breakup rather than a loved one going away to a special place
- Im not sure who the person in the rain is suppose to depict. But good light though
- Lastly, the tagline of 60years | 60seconds. Is the driver 60 years old? It feels like you're targeting 60year old drivers.
Apologies for being too analytical. I could go on but those are really bordering more on styling preferences and that is subjective
anyway, the faux slow mo are done with pics/puppet warp and AE?
psalmanazar
Member
Well done guys. It's a movie that creates mood and conveys a message via associations. Don't explain anything, just keep the title and let viewers figure it out themselves. I really like technical execution of the movie.
psalmanazar
Member
One more thing. The film stands out on its own so don't change it. I assume you spent some time thinking it over. Trusts your guts and instincts and only take a criticism that resonates with you. You know, today everyone is a critic so you will get a high level of noise if you ask for criticism on social forums. Ask people who you respect and who know how to make movies for an opinion.
I personally like the movie although it isn't my kind of genre but that's okay because this is just a preference.
Keep it up guys!
I personally like the movie although it isn't my kind of genre but that's okay because this is just a preference.
Keep it up guys!
I think as a short it stands on its own. But if I were to look at this as a PSA, I think it could probably use more refinement to improve the messaging. The tagline is interesting, but the narrative fails to flesh it out fully, for me. It seems like there's a disconnect in what you wanted the audience to see/feel and how you tried to lead them there. I definitely didn't get a sense that the character whose eyes we're looking through was 60 years old at all. Felt more like I was looking through the eyes of a young man, perhaps mid-twenties. So when "60 Years" appears, I actually had no idea what I was supposed to relate that to. It can work, but you either need to tweak the tagline or the script. Sound/music design was lovely.
Last edited:
Deunamist
Senior Member
Hi Faffy, it is well-shot and well-edited! great sound design too, although I have the same concerns as kandinsky with regards to messaging. It feels more targeted at jaywalkers than drivers, because it addresses the popular belief that your entire life flashes before your eyes before you die, instead of dealing with the consequences of reckless driving. I too, could not get the '60 years' tagline.
on a side note, I believe this is heavily inspired by "The Last 3 Minutes" by Po Chan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUHyOug-UGk
on a side note, I believe this is heavily inspired by "The Last 3 Minutes" by Po Chan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUHyOug-UGk
hamanoshun
Senior Member
Very cliche shot of the girl running in a "field". It's like every "flashback" I've seen has that....
I don't believe the man's memory is just limited to his girlfriend and the places he has been to. What about family and friends?
And the message as mentioned by Deu and kan, 60 years, no idea how that relates other than it's to go with 60 seconds.
With regards to imagery I think it could have been more varied.
Execution was great, overall I think good job.
I don't believe the man's memory is just limited to his girlfriend and the places he has been to. What about family and friends?
And the message as mentioned by Deu and kan, 60 years, no idea how that relates other than it's to go with 60 seconds.
With regards to imagery I think it could have been more varied.
Execution was great, overall I think good job.
pretty good. It drives the message home. I like the mood of it. In your write up you mentioned that you want the audience to "see what the character sees and feel his mood and in the end, 60 years of life shortened to his final 60 seconds." Perhaps you could try to omit your explanation and see if the guys here can see what your intention was?
- The initial start could maybe use an L cut? I'd like to hear the screech first on black and then have the visual of the crash. Its just my preference though.
- The flashbacks are kinda too random for anyone to relate to. Too much greenery for an urban city like SG, if SG was the intended audience that is. Maybe some footage of the driver hanging out with friends, family and establish a wider range of locations?
- the first scene of the girl tearing up, it feels more like a breakup rather than a loved one going away to a special place
- Im not sure who the person in the rain is suppose to depict. But good light though
- Lastly, the tagline of 60years | 60seconds. Is the driver 60 years old? It feels like you're targeting 60year old drivers.
Apologies for being too analytical. I could go on but those are really bordering more on styling preferences and that is subjective
anyway, the faux slow mo are done with pics/puppet warp and AE?
the rain shot is the only shot of the guy in reality and that is JUST to show his emotion. Its not in his flashback. Yeah the effects are all done on AE
Noted have remove the synopsis . Thanks for your comments .
Thanks for your comments .
For me as the camera operator visual wise some part i was inspire but my director wasnt .
Thanks certainly we will take into consideration of having a longer version which we might include the family and friends.
On a side note here is some replies from my director Alan, he feels this 60 seconds its enough to show the girlfriend only and if he have a longer time he will link them all with his family and friends
About the 60 years old thing. At first, he wanted to show like a average age which is 60. In his own opinion.
But instead of living till 60, one mistake either the driver or perdestration makes it becomes a flash back of 60 seconds
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